Decoding life: Filling your own cup- going back to self
I am writing a series of posts about the three concentric circles of life and how we can work from the inside out to become more mindful, more inclusive and more human in the post pandemic world. This is post #5.
In my last post, I talked about the middle circle and how we can navigate our beliefs for those we love by being ‘freshly’ present for them every single time we meet them.
I want to go back to the inner circle in this post. The inner circle represents you — and that’s where the journey begins. You see, we find it hard to give love to others when we haven’t explored giving unconditional love to ourselves.
A big part of accepting others for who they are or forgiving them for the hurt they may have caused is accepting yourself for who you are and loving yourself.
You might wonder — why is it important to go back to self and love yourself first? Here’s a riddle: Imagine that you are holding three nesting cups of different sizes, each one slightly bigger than the other. Your job is to fill up all the three cups with water, but there are a couple of conditions — 1. you can only pour water in one of the cups in order to fill all three; 2. you cannot spill water. Question is : what would you do?
You probably guessed it — you will start by filling in the innermost cup. Gracefully & slowly you fill that inner cup until water naturally flows onto the middle, and when the middle cup is full, water will naturally flow on to the last cup.
It is the same practice with love —when you accept yourself and give love to yourself first, loving others will follow. However, when your cup is empty, you find it hard to give love to others. You might make scattered attempts (and spill the water all over), but in order to authentically and naturally give love, you will need to go back to self. And when you have shared your love with your family & friends, love naturally passes on to the larger community(the last cup) too.
Easier said than done though because practicing love for self is hard. We are built to be our own harshest critics and often question our own abilities & potential to be our best. We look for love and affirmation on the outside and the result is that even when we are liked by others, we still feel hollow inside.
So, what can you do to accept & love yourself more? Here are some pointers:
- #1 Take care of yourself : Start with your physical well-being then slowly move on to your mental & emotional well being. Just like the three circles of belief, the innermost circle of self is the physical body. If you lack nutrition or movement, try inculcating that in your daily routine. One apple a day or one asana at a time. Then move on to breath, as breathing promotes overall well-being. If you take care of all the inputs to your body — food, water, breath and movement, the outputs will naturally improve.
- #2 Listen to your own self-talk : What are your thoughts saying to you, about you? i.e. What do you say to yourself when no one is around? What comes to your mind when you look in the mirror? What labels do you apply to yourself that may not be serving you well ? Analyzing self talk is a great tool to understand what you think of yourself and where there is lack of self-love.
- #3 Ask yourself what does your best self look like : Then ask, what would it take to be your best self 24/7? If you feel overwhelmed with a long list of things to improve, start with one thing and tackle it now. Keep at this, patiently & consistently — just as you nurture a plant, keep watering your positive habits, shine light on them and give them grace when they wilt or fall behind.
One of the best ways to love yourself is to not hate yourself. Hate might be strong word, but I use it purely to juxtapose the feeling of love. So, in order to love yourself fully, start by asking yourself what it is about you that you don’t like. Then ask WHY you don’t like it and if the reason(s) seems relevant (often they are not), go on and ask WHAT could you do about it. Then do that one thing today and keep at it.
Grace yourself with positive self care habits, with acceptance, love and forgiveness when you fall behind …. Fill your own cup first — one drop at a time — and the rest will follow.
Love & grace,
Manu.
